my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
