One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
