Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
