Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
