how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
