omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
