yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just had sex on a roof
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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