I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
