Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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