If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
