fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
