i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
