I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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