the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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