I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
