Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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