I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
