good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
