u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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