He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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