He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
