On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
