You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize