yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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