Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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