He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
