does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
MIDGETS
????
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
