talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
