Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
