Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
