I hate all girls vehemently.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Randomize
