Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
