Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
