Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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