He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
