Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
