he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
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