I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
