i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
