She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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