I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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