Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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