Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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