..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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