Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
