I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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