I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
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