also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
