I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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