onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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