Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
im drinking this country out of the recession.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
