I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
