In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
