DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
