Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
