idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
