How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
