I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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