She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize