put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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