I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
