he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
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