What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
