Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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