There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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