it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
