I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
