if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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