Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
