I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
