You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
