I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
