I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize