and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
