had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
