Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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