my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize