If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He better not be in your backpack
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
