i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
bring money and cleavage
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
