Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
