I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize