goodnight i made you a song goodbye
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
