I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
whose ass print is on the piano?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
