Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
