the only muscles i have these days is kegels
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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