No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
