I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
