he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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