That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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