I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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