Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
