I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
