5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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