everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
