Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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