just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
