K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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