well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
