dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
