Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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