I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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