My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
