i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
