You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
