my mouth tastes like poor choices
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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