i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize