I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
