Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize